I still hate it.
Jul. 14th, 2005 05:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starzkiWhat is wrong with me that I keep insisting that I know anything about writing?
I'm a terrible, horrible writer. I feel so guilty that I make those I work with read my crap so they will tell me what's wrong with it. Why am I basing a career on writing that I'm so bad at. Really. I'm too unorganized when it comes to the basic set-up, too lazy and awkward when it comes to incorporating research, too bored when it comes to writing the stuff I actually do know how to write, and just too damned bad when it comes down to even constructing a sentence. You would think that English wasn't my first (and basically only) language.
I swear, it all sounds great in my head. I can read things fine and understand even the most technical articles. I can do the math. For hours. And come away at least satisfied at having a number that I know how to interpret. But when it comes down to actually forming a paper filled with properly conjugated subjects and verbs written in a way that it compelling and scientific, I drop the ball big time.
Why do I insist on putting myself through this? I even try silly fanfics that cheer me up that I enjoy thinking about to try and practice, but even those come out disappointing. Even with all the nice reviews I get, they were all so much better in my head and a real writer could have done something spectacular with them.
Why don't I just stop denying my nature and become a statistician? I love stats. I love math. I get all of that complicated stuff that most researchers in my department cringe at. Why don't I just do that? I love teaching stats and I'm ten times the writer most stats people are, so writing a publishable text would be no problem. And I could make a fortune. Everyone needs stats.
So why am I torturing myself with thinking that I may write? I just don't know.
I'm a terrible, horrible writer. I feel so guilty that I make those I work with read my crap so they will tell me what's wrong with it. Why am I basing a career on writing that I'm so bad at. Really. I'm too unorganized when it comes to the basic set-up, too lazy and awkward when it comes to incorporating research, too bored when it comes to writing the stuff I actually do know how to write, and just too damned bad when it comes down to even constructing a sentence. You would think that English wasn't my first (and basically only) language.
I swear, it all sounds great in my head. I can read things fine and understand even the most technical articles. I can do the math. For hours. And come away at least satisfied at having a number that I know how to interpret. But when it comes down to actually forming a paper filled with properly conjugated subjects and verbs written in a way that it compelling and scientific, I drop the ball big time.
Why do I insist on putting myself through this? I even try silly fanfics that cheer me up that I enjoy thinking about to try and practice, but even those come out disappointing. Even with all the nice reviews I get, they were all so much better in my head and a real writer could have done something spectacular with them.
Why don't I just stop denying my nature and become a statistician? I love stats. I love math. I get all of that complicated stuff that most researchers in my department cringe at. Why don't I just do that? I love teaching stats and I'm ten times the writer most stats people are, so writing a publishable text would be no problem. And I could make a fortune. Everyone needs stats.
So why am I torturing myself with thinking that I may write? I just don't know.
