On Writing.

scribefigaro has just about finished There Was a Ship, Version 2.0.  I've spent the morning reading it.  It's very good.

Reading his writing makes me thoughtful on writing in general.  Writing is always something I wanted to be good at, but I don't have that last 10% or so that would make proficient, clever work into something excellent.  I'm an okay writer.  I know my grammar (and sometimes actually follow its rules) and spell check helps me with spelling.  I have ideas that I can convey and I'm mostly successful at communicating my point.

But it's kind of like soccer for me.  I just lack that last part that would make me great.  In soccer, when it's me against the opponent with the ball and the rest of the world fades and all that's left is going to be a crunching impact, I can't make that last bit of commitment to win the ball.  I inevitably cringe and do something to make the pain less, to help break the fall I know is coming.  And if my opponent has that last bit of "killer instinct" that I don't have, I lose.

It's the same for writing.  I'm smart, so I'm generally a good writer.  I practice and pay attention, so I'm even better than a lot who post to ff.net.  But I lack the bravery to write something truly great.  After reading There Was a Ship and other writing by other very good authors, I know I just can't make that last part of me work.  I can write the apathy, sadness, eerie-ness, anger, and pain that other wonderful writers can, but I can't commit to it 100%.  For me, there also needs to be sweetness there.  Something that detracts or distracts from the negative mood.

I read Joyce Carol Oates's short story, "The Girl with the Blackened Eye," and it left me breathless with shock.  I could sit down right now and rewrite the story in my own way, using the same situation, but I would chicken out and lose the punch-in-the-stomach impact that makes the story great.  When the narrator says, "My life would be no different if this hadn't happened," I would have made that something positive or hopeful, not completely devastating, as Oates wrote it.

scribefigaro does have whatever it is that makes writers great.  It makes me envious.  But I'm so glad that I'm able to read his writing.