Overwhelmed | Chapter 8 | Oblivion

[starzki]

Title: Overwhelmed: Chapter 8: Oblivion
Author: starzki
Rating: MA
Genre: Romance
Word Count: 2131
Summary: Kaname and Sousuke finally have all the time they need to come together and explore their feelings for one another. Spoilers for the series. Post Always Stand by Me, Part 2. Chapter 8: Oblivion: Kaname and Sousuke lose themselves in one another.
LINK:  ff.net

NOTES:

This was originally going to be the last chapter, but as I was going over everything in my head, I've decided to include an epilogue to this story.

There are a few reasons for this: First, there's the structure of the story and the perspectives I took.  From chapter one, I started with Kaname's perspective, then moved to Sousuke's in chapter two, then alternated until chapter seven.  This chapter was about both of them, so I didn't take one perspective over the other.  It's kind of weird and lopsided, but I made my decision and I'm sticking with it.  This means that there were four Kaname chapters and only three Sousuke chapters.  I like symmetry, so I'm adding another Sousuke chapter.

Second, I think a little wrap-up for this story is in order.  Just a light little ending that might point them toward the future somewhat.  Not too much, but maybe a little.

My feelings on this chapter are mostly good.  There is the different perspective than the rest of the story that kind of irks me, but like I said, it's a decision that I thought out and am happy with.  Also, like last chapter, the sexy vocab was my undoing.  Luckily, scribefigaro had many, many suggestions for me when he looked over this story before I posted it.  :)

As for the scenario, I did take a little artistic license.  Simultaneous orgasms for a pair of virgins who are having their first go at sex is pretty unlikely, I'll admit.  But I wanted to make it a fantastic experience for both and that's how I wanted them to end up.  I did try to throw in a little reality with the bumbling around beforehand, so it's not completely unrealistic! ;)

Overall, as I said, I'm pretty happy with this.  And now my multi-chapter porn is 95% done! Amazing!  I'll actually be kind of sad when I'm done with it. :(

Comments

[luxken27]

As for the scenario, I did take a little artistic license. Simultaneous orgasms for a pair of virgins who are having their first go at sex is pretty unlikely, I'll admit. But I wanted to make it a fantastic experience for both and that's how I wanted them to end up.

Honestly, for as much as people like to bitch and moan about fanfic porn being unrealistic - personally, I see it as fantasy. If you love the characters and want them to be happy, why would they have bad sex? Even the first time, LOL. There's a way to write the improbable and not completely break a reader's suspension of disbelief. And if they're caught up in the pairing and the scenario, why not make it a fantasy? Isn't that the point? :)

[starzki]

Yes, fantasy, thank you. That was the word/concept I was looking for last night but failed to find.

I admit I do like stories that are realistic. Having an unsatisfying first try at sex can be charming and heartfelt in its own right. But that's just not the direction I wanted this fic to go.

Orgasms for everyone!

[luxken27]

I think it depends on the characters, as to how much I'm looking for a realistic experience with their sexytimez. With these two, they've already been through so much that the least they deserve is to have decent sex, no? :P And they're so in love with each other that they'd probably not realize/care if it wasn't so great. Behold the power of love, LOL!!

Definitely looking forward to reading this - I'm curious about Scribe's input, LOL :P

[starzki]

I think they deserve it, too!

And Scribe was hilarious last night. Normally, when I write something, getting him to read it is like pulling teeth and his usual critique is "Yay! Liked it! Now can I do what I was doing before?"

But last night, I mentioned I had written this chapter and he disappeared for 10 minutes while he read it, then sat me down and we went over his thoughts on the story paragraph by paragraph. (Most of which were VERY positive.)

Mostly it was word choice (especially when it came to describing female parts as I took some risks that he think didn't work). He also pushed for more descriptions of certain acts where I held my ground to keep it at least somewhat classy. There were parts where he wanted more specific detail because that's how he "would have written it." In those cases, I mostly just let my own writing stand unless his suggestion was too good to pass up.

Anyway, it's my hope that this gets his own creative juices stirring and he'll bless the internet with more of his own porn. LOL.